Pour Your Heart Out: Love

My soul has a purpose, it is to love; if I do not fulfill my hearts vocation, I suffer. -St. Thomas Aquinas.

Today I pour my heart out to you, about me. Leticia. Wife. Mother. Friend.

I hate that I struggle to love myself enough. To love myself unconditionally. To love myself enough to make myself a priority.

I realize taht all of us moms experience this on some level, but I believe that mine is leaning to the extreme. I put others needs before my own. I've been burned, but I've also been on the receiving end of really wonderful experiences as well with those who I gave my trust to.

I recently learned that I apparently do not feel like I deserve happiness, a good life, peace, and all that my heart desires. This has stemmed from my childhood. As much as I hate to sound like I am placing blame here, it is what it is. My childhood was not the best, and in fact at times it looked like the worst.

I'm trying to let go of the feelings of resentment. The anger. The frustration. I'm trying to give myself things/experiences/time that makes me happy. I feel like I am tethered down, and I need to break free of that twine before I can grow much further.

I have a purpose, it is to love. Anyone who knows me...really knows me...knows that I live my life with love as much as I can. I love my family & friends, strangers I meet on the street, and even my enemies. I love them all for sharing bits and pieces of themselves with me. I need to learn to give myself that same unconditional love.

If I do not fulfill my hearts vocation, I suffer. I am. I am suffering in silence right now. I hurt. My heart aches. I long for a life with more peace, and joy. Less drama and stress. Most of all I crave for my love to be returned to me. Uninhibited.

Thanks to Shell over at Things I can't say for hosting this wonderful meme.