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Sunday, October 3, 2010

Sundays in my City: Halloween

We started to decorate for my fave holiday of the year. Halloween! I am like a child who has entered a magickal wonderland when the Halloween themes products start hitting the shelves. It's my Christmas!

Yesterday we decorated the front porch. IT was raining all day so we decided to wait until next weekend to set up the yard.


This blog is party of UnknownMami's Sunday's in my City meme. You can join along with other bloggers that are sharing their communities with you too at the link below:

Unknown Mami

Saturday, October 2, 2010

The Nap

I took a nap yesterday. Nothing I haven't done before in my life, but this time was different. I laid down because my husband was tired after a late night out and an early morning rise for a sporting event. We were out in the cold and rain for hours and the combination would leave most any adult tired. My body was pretty achy from running around the course so while my brain was ready to go go go my body was feeling tattered.

We laid down and my husband gave me some rubs on the tight muscles in my calves, neck, and back. This is an almost instantaneous way to knock me out. I get so deeply relaxed that I cannot keep the eye lids open.

I woke up an hour later, alone in a cold bed. I was confused and disoriented. I thought I had overslept and missed my deadline for my work reports. I thought I had slept through  the entire evening, but it was just 4:30pm.

Suddenly I was overcome with feelings of distrust, anger, and resentment. Why was I alone? The main reason I had laid down was so that my husband would rest. He tends to fight sleep when I am up. I feel like I have to lie down with him, much like a child, to get him to rest.

I then realized why I felt this way. When my husband was having an affair I was very pregnant and tired all of the time. He would wake up hours before me, or get out of bed when I was fast asleep, to email his Mistress. I didn't find out about the situation for months...not until the baby was born, and I found out quite by accident. I had no clue. I missed all of the signs. I was devastated.

This deeply embedded memory somehow resurfaces from time to time. I never see it coming. It just hits me like a ton of bricks and suddenly I am lying in our bed wondering where he is and what he is up to. No good, I suspect. I immediately feel no trust for him, and the feeling lingers for hours, and sometimes even days.

It's amazing to me how humans can carry one act with them for so long, and even the rest of their lives. It's because of experiences like this that I try to be mindful about what I do unto others. I'd sure hate to make someone else feel like a prisoner in their mind with only their thoughts and fears, like I do.

I suspect I will be skipping any co-napping opportunities for a while.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Bathroom remodel

I swore I wasn't going to share this on my blog, but I'm getting a bit desperate. After 5 years of ignorning our main bathroom "issues" I suddenly find myself needing it taken care of right now...like yesterday! I'm actually kind of amazed I've been able to ignore it this long...although I have slapped a lot of lipstick on the pig to help make the pain subside over the years.

I am not sure what is worse about the bathroom in my home. It's a toss up between it being the size of a walk-in closet and the fact that you have to use a pair of vice grips to turn on the shower.

This bathroom has been falling apart little by little since we bought this home 5 years ago. We are missing tiles on the walls...tile which is painted poop brown. There's a hole in the wall that is open to the crawl space leaving no need for an air freshner. The musky smell is stronger than any air deoderizer could mask. There's the moldy subfloor in the linen cabinet...which no doubt runs under the rest of the flooring as well.

The whole room needs to be gutted. With 4 children this, unfortunately, has not been in the budget. We cannot even replace the shower knob because it is no longer available from the manufacturer, and to access the plumbing we have to remove the tub and surround which is one unit, and we cannot remove it without removing a wall. Since all of that expense wasn't worth a shower knob we have lived with vice grips for far too long!

It would be just blissfull to enjoy a bubble bath every once in a while without the smell of musky mold, and the view of tools that do not belong in the bathroom!

If you would like to help my family received $5,000 in bathroom remodel suppplies you can vote for my entyr here, every day until October 4th! (Ugly to AWESOME bathroom)