Choosing authority

I am working on finding my purpose during my time here on earth. In doing this I have been addressing four basic life issues over the past few weeks that will help me to determine the significance, the success, and the satisfaction of my life.

The four basic life issues I have been addressing are: Defining identity, accepting responsibility, determining priorities, and choosing authority.

I am creating this process off of a sermon I recently listened to that was given by a pastor at The Promise, in Indianapolis. You can hear his sermon here if you are interested: Resolving Issues on Your Purpose.

For the past week I have been working on choosing authority. This is a very difficult subject for me. For those who do not know me well, I am a Secular Humanist. I used to practice Wicca for many years. I've labeled myself with a few different spiritual paths and religions, and none of them fit me. I'm not really into labeling anymore, so I only refer to myself as a Humanist to please the ones who cannot wrap their heads around someone who doesn't have a label at all.

When people ask me what my creed is and I reply "I am nothing." they take me for some lost soul whom needs guidance, and maybe I do-at times, but I'd prefer to ask for the guidance and not have it shoved down my throat all uninvited.

Do I believe in a higher power? Sure, I think I do. Do I know, with certainty, who or what that is? Nope, and I don't ever expect I will. I do believe that God (or whomever is out there) doesn't get caught up in titles. I also believe that those who say I have to be an atheist if I am not a believer are too busy caught up on whose side of the fence I should be on. I wonder if those people ever thought about what life could be like without fences?

Anyway, in my recent spiritual path I have found out 3 things.

1. For me, it take a lot of solitude to come up with the answers that work for me.
2. I have very, very limited solitude in this place in my life.
3. This path could take many many years for me.

The pastor says you have to choose who you will serve, and live your life for an audience of one. In my previous life as a Wiccan I served my life for mankind, and many Gods. I am not ready to serve my life for an audience of one. So, for now, I serve the Universe. I happen to believe my heart is bigger than this universe anyway (wink) so this works for me.

The pastor mentions imagining you are attending your own funeral. What will people say about you. I've done this on many occasions. (Imagining the funeral, not the speeches)

I know without a doubt that the following could, and would be said for me:
1. She was a very giving person.
2. She lived her life with love. A LOT of love.
3. She was very compassionate, and had great empathy for the world around her.
4. She was a wonderful mother, and loved her children more than life.
5. She was dedicated to making the world a better place than she was born into, when she left it.

With that said, I don't think I'm doing to bad right now. I've accomplished many good things in my life here on Earth. I suspect I will always have a drive to do more, but I am cautious to not let that voice take over my life. My children deserve my time too, and more.

In the sermon we are asked 2 questions. Who/what is #1 in your life? Whose approval are you looking for. This is a question I'm sure I could answer 7 days a week and have a different answer with each passing day.

#1 in my life. Myself. My children. My mother. My father. My husband.
As far as whose approval I am looking for? That changes with the direction of the wind! On a weak day, it's societies approval. On a really good day, my own approval. Some days it may be my parents, my husband, or my children. I try really hard to not let society infiltrate my brain. It's just too toxic, for me.

The pastor offers up these questions: Who is in charge of your life? Who or what are you living for?

Well, I believe that I am in charge of my life. If I was given free will no one else (on this earth) can be responsible for that. As far as who or what I am living for. I've no clue. I don't know why I am here. No one can prove this to me. I have my own ideas. None of them are concrete. I have yet to find my purpose on this earth, but I also have no doubt it will smack me in the head like an anvil in due time.

What do I plan to do with this life? Well, I plan a lot of things. My plans are very fluid. Plans change. Right now, in this place I am at today, my plan is to be the best mother, wife, daughter, sister, (insert any other relative title), friend, co-worker, human I can be. I strive for more. For better. For the best I can give/be.    

I want to make my life count, and I know this wont happen by following someone else agenda. I have to carve my own path, set my own sail, follow that which is inside my gut, and when I can do that without any, or with very little redirection from the world around me I think I will be on a solid path to really making it count!

I'd like to take a moment to thank Liz over at Eternal Lizdom for sharing this sermon with me. She heard it and she felt it was meant for me. It's helped me work on identifying key areas in my life that need some inner workings. Thanks so much, Liz, for being a great friend!

Today's blog post is part of Pour Your Heart Out over at Shell's place.

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