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Sunday, March 27, 2011

Sex, Drugs, and PRE-Teens!

My daughter is in 6th grade. She is 12. She just turned 12. She is sweet, and kind, and hormonal. She is a lot of things. There are 3 things I am certain that she is not. She is not sexually active. She has not used drugs. She does not break the law. So far, so good.

I know that in all likelyhood my children will not be innocent forever. We learn my making mistakes. I am sure that their mistakes will mimic some of my own. I am also sure that kids are doing things much sooner (read:younger) than we did "back in the day.".

Most of my daughters peers are her age. Some are younger. Some are waaaaay younger. Like 9 years old. Many of her friends are kissing boys at her age. Some are doing more. Some are abusing drugs. A few have already had their first child. At age 12. In 6th grade.

I recently picked up my daughter from the local skate rink after a 2.5 hour skate. The rink was hosting an all night skate from 7pm-7am. There was no way I was letting my daughter stay overnight. There was no way that I would stay overnight with her! I have four children and hardly any sanity left as it is. I couldn't waste what little remains on a skate rink full of hormonal pre-teen kids.

When I picked her up some of the parents I trusted to "supervise" her said they were shocked by how so many of the girls peers were behaving.

She told me about one girl who is 12 that spent most of her night kissing her boyfriend, with tongue, in a dark corner as she straddled him on his lap and they were not so discreetly dry humping one another. Had I walked in and seen that  I may have fainted. Had I walked in to see my daughter doing that I would have went into cardiac arrest!

She told me about 2 boys who showed up and they appeared to be drunk, slurring their speech and falling all over each other. She said that they were loud and clearly were not afraid to spout off the mouth about the girls "titties" and asses. Middle schooler's. I'm guessing that kid hasn't yet seen a boob in real life.

I had another friend at the rink who said that he saw kids with eyes so bloodshot that there was no way to excuse it beyond smoking pot. He said that you could smell it for the first 30 minutes that the boys were there.

I'm not naive. My friend smoked pot in 9th grade. I know kids will find ways to do these things. I know kids will find ways to hide these things. I know not all parents can be observant enough to catch these things. What I don't know is what is going to happen to this generation of kids in 8-10 years.

When you've got 10-12 year olds getting high, and drunk and then having sex and babies...the future of your community takes a huge hit. I knew one middle schooler who was pregnant, and three highschoolers in my 7 years from 6th-12th grades. I've already heard of four in our kids school from 6th-8th grades and those are just the ones I have heard about.

Parents...you really need to keep on your toes. Show up early when picking up your child every once in a while to see what they are up to. Let them know what morals and values you want for them. You have to model responsible behavior for them. Show them how to succeed, and help them reach for success.

I'm seeing far to many parents who have little to no parental involvement. It is one thing to let your child have the run of your home if that's your thing...but when you send them out into the big world...they cannot think that they have the run of the world. They need to understand how the world WORKS. We need to show them a working model of life. I fear we, as a society, are failing here.

As we drove home from the skate rink I spoke casually with my daughter and her friend about how the skate party was. I explained that I had heard that some of their friends were making out pretty heavily and they agreed that a few friends had gone too far. I explained to the girls that when you are willing to make out with a boy in public, kissing with tongue, sitting on his lap and gyrating on his genitals...you are sending the message to all of your peers that you will do that again and with anyone and everyone. I asked my daughter what they thought the next boyfriend would expect. The girls agreed he would expect to get the same treatment. I explained to the girls that once you gain that reputation there is no easy way to lose it beyond moving to a new school system.

I told the girls that I know kissing your boyfriend is becoming more common amongst their peers. I also said that exchanging a kiss goodnight in the privacy of your own home is not at all the same as kissing a boy with tongue in public for hours on end. I reminded them that there was a time when PDA was frowned upon and with reason. If you don't leave anything up to the imagination or save any life experiences for a special occasion...like your wedding day...then that doesn't leave much to look forward to.

I'm trying to raise my daughter with a healthy dose of morals and values along with realistic expectations. I would love for her to save herself for marriage. I am not so unbelievably naive that I don't already know that this is not a very likely outcome.

I am just amazed that these parents have no clue that their child spent the night dry humping their boyfriend. I wonder how the parents didn't notice their boys bloodshot bright red eyes, or that they were stumbling into the skate rink? I hope to never be so oblivious. It's a scary sight! 


  1. While I know it isn't your thing... the conference we took those teens to this weekend talks about exactly this stuff. Honest, open, direct talking about dating and boys and friends and expectations and stuff. It was pretty amazing and a really great message. I also enjoyed the conversation going on in my van with those 6 14-15 year olds as they talked about boys and dating and stuff. I was impressed with their opinions and questions.

    I agree- you have to be on it and you can't for a second think that you can relax! You have to talk about it openly, honestly, directly, consistently.

  2. or thay just don't care like my MIL, my SIL is 15 she has been staying the night with her boyfriend since she was 14. She smokes too and MIL buys them for her. God only knows what else she is doing she's never home so there is no way to know. MAkes me very sad to think of the type of person SIL will become.

  3. Wow. I can't belive the people that run the skating rink allow it! The one I grew up going to, no way was that stuff happening...you couldn't even hold hands with your boyfriend let alone sit in the corner making out for hours on end!

  4. I agreed with everything you said here except: "I am not so unbelievably naive that I don't already know that this is not a very likely outcome."
    I think BELIEVING that your child will "save herself for marriage" will help in bringing that about. Of course, along with keeping open communication. Too often parents .
    stop teaching about virginity and the importance of it because they feel it is a losing battle. Let me say it ISN'T. I have 5 children, 3 of whom are in their 20's and they are ALL virgins (well, except the married one ;) Am I naive in believing this...nope, cuz the communication is there and always has been!
    Newest follower from MMOM

  5. Holy crap, I could barely get past the part where there are at least FOUR girls in Nadine's MIDDLE SCHOOL that are pregnant! Ugh.