Rosalind Wiseman, an internationally-recognized author, mom and expert on teens & parenting hosted this evening of mother-daughter bonding. In addition to launching Rosalind’s latest books, the tour featured discussions about confidence, friendships, challenging moments for girls, and various mother-daughter challenges.
I was really looking forward to this event. Nadine and I have had our hare of struggles this year, and while I knew it was normal at this age, it sure wasn't fun sometimes. Sometimes it hurt.
Rosalind started off the evening talking about Champions. She asked that all mothers write down a time when they remember their daughter acting like a champion. The daughters were given the same instruction.
Nadine said it was a challenge for her, and not because she could not remember a time when I was a champion, but because she thinks I am a champion every day. That just melted my heart!
I told Nadine that I thought she was a champion when she decided to stand up for a girl in school who was being left out, and picked on, and how she knew that the popular girls would judge her for it, but she did it anyway. That's a hard thing for a tween girl to do! She agreed.
Next we talked about listening. I asked Nadine if she thought I was a good listener. She said yes, and that she kind of disagrees with Rosalinds statement that mothers shouldn't ask a lot of questions. She said "It's not the asking lots of questions that annoys my friends, it's that their moms don't ask the right questions like you do." I told her that I appreciate her recognizing that I do ask really thought provoking questions, because it's my job to help my children think for themselves, not to think for them all the time.
We talked a bit about teasing. This was one of my favorite parts of the slide show. Rosalind explained how some friends may tease you, and they act like it's a joke, but if they tease you in a manner that hurts you, and they do not ask when you express your feelings about it that they are not a true friend.
I've tried to teach this to Nadine a dozen times. I'm glad that her hearing it from Rosalind seemed to sit with her much better than how I explained it. Nadine has always been a peace keeper, and while I adore that about her I felt like she needed to learn that we don't live in a dream land where everyone gets along, and plays nice, and sadly we probably never will.
This section, while not really applicable to us right now, was very informative for down the road. I am sure at some point this will be somewhat of a subject in our home. Nadine has friends who go home to their parents and snitch often. They don't really seem to care as much about what the child did as much as they would like to see that student get into trouble. Nadine has always been more of a reporter. She tends to lean towards not telling me certain things because she forgets that I'm not that mom that runs to school the next day to patch up her problems and embarass her like some of the other students mothers have in the past.
At the end of the seminar we were given an opportunity to join in on a Q & A and discuss more in depth with the parents around us. As much as I thought I would have enjoyed doing that it was clear to me by the end of this seminar that we didn't feel like we fit in real well.
Nadine looked at me and asked, do you mind if we cut out of here. At first I was upset. I asked why she wanted to leave. She said "Mom, I think we're good here. We don't really seem to have the issues that these other moms are addressing, and we communicate real well if you ask me. We got this."
I smiled big and said, you just remember that statement in a year or two when you think I'm the most uncool mom in the world. She said "I really don't see that happening."
As we left we met a few of the volunteers. We received a copy of Queen Bees and Wanabees for me, Boys, Girls, and other hazardous materials for my daughter, and reusable tote gift bag with samples of Dove deodorant, and body sprays for tween girls. I also received a year subscription to Family Circle magazine.
The seminar was great because it gave me some perspective. My daughter has had her share of tween drama, but we are not as bad off as I might have thought. In fact, we are doing really well in comparison to some of the moms I met this evening. I recall one mother who told me about how her daughter wouldn't talk to her, was sneaking out of the house, and was a "little bitch" most days, as she put it. I am thankful that I've never thought of my daughter in those terms, and really hope to never get there!
We decided to stop at the Cricle Center mall. Nadine has never been to circle center, so this was a real treat for her. We also shared a Cinnabon, something else she had never had, and she was in love!
Tonight was a great night to reconnect with Nadine, and I really look forward to reading the books we received from the girl world tour!
Cheers!
I LOVE IT!!! Sounds like it was a really great event. Lety- you are so totally one of those moms that I always hope will offer advice when I'm strugling. I reall admire your relationship with your kids and the way you are raising them.
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