Sitting with pain

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.

The Invitation, Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Sitting with your pain is painful. I know that seems obvious but...to be honest I don't normally have this much pain to sit with. i can usually process and move past the painful stage fairly quickly these days.

This is not the case today. I have been suffering with a combination of self reflection, a loss of trust in a loved one, feelings of abandonment, and the list keeps growing.

I think the reason this pain is so hard to sit with is because the loss of trust. I am already not very trusting of others. I find it hard to believe that people are genuine and honest with their intentions. Once again I've been burned and left with scars. Battle wounds from life.

I don't know how long it will take me to lick these wounds. I imagine a full healing is going to take a long time. I'm saddened that there are people in my life who cannot be honest, and fully present with me...but I know it's a fact of life. One I am learning to accept.

The silver lining here is that with pain comes growth and I know I will come out for the better in  the end. Please be gentle while I work my way there.

So I sit. Avoiding sleeping away the pain. Avoiding eating, drinking, or smoking away the pain. This is a fine damn time to be sitting with pain...when my only remaining vice is coffee and tea, black.

It's going to be a long ass summer.