Boundaries, and Taking Back The Master Bath!

I think that the struggle to define boundaries is one of those universal parenting challenges. Not only do we struggle with where to draw a line with our children, society has it's own set of opinions on where those lines should be.

One of the lines that I feel I let be stretched too far is the use of our Master Bath. When the kids were little they had a hard time getting in and out of the tub in the main bath. The Master had a stand up shower and it was just...easier. They also preferred the shower head in the Master bath. I was okay with this because frankly...I didn't care to share a bathroom with my husband. Boys are gross! I gladly took over the main bath with the generous storage and more square footage.

I was reading The Love Dare and somewhere along the way I realized that we should probably be sharing spaces whenever possible and that we should probably have more privacy now that the kids are older. So...I told the kids they had to start using the main bath and that they could only use the Master toilet if the main bath was occupied.

They, for the most part, have cooperated.

Since that battle was over I started seeing other boundaries that at ages 5 to 15, should not longer need to be crossed. I can't use the restroom much less shower without someone coming to talk to me, and more often than not barging in on a closed door when I am otherwise indisposed.

Today I was enjoying a late morning shower. I was deep into massaging my scalp and 50 lbs of hair when our youngest son, age 6, comes to the door. He starts speaking to me through the door. I cannot understand him between the closed door and the shower running. So...you know what ensued. Five minutes of

"What honey?"

"Bwah bwah bwah bwah bwah" (sounding like Charlie Brown's teacher from Peanuts.)

"Honey, I can't hear you."

"Bwah bwah bwah bwah bwah"

"I cannot hear you son. You are going to have to speak louder."

"UGH!!! Bwah bwah bwah bwah bwah"

"Oh for crying out loud! Just open the door and come in here so I can hear you!"

"Do you know my password for Club Penguin?"

"...are you freakin' kidding me right now? I don't know. I will have to call daddy when I get out of the shower to ask him. Now please get out of the bathroom!"

As I was drying off I hear my son say "Mom. Your coffee cup is upside down on your bed." and as I ran into my bedroom I see that my travel mug of coffee was indeed upside down on my bed. As I grabbed it the coffee poured out.

Thank God I literally bought a waterproof mattress cover just 2 days ago because I have no idea how you clean this new memory foam mattress that we just bought. I ripped the towel off of my body to blot the spot. I'm not taking any waterproof chances if I don't have to! As I ripped the sheet and mattress cover off of the bed I was naked and reprimanding my youngest because clearly he had been bouncing on MY bed while I finished my shower and knocked my coffee off of my Cozy laptop tray in the process.

I'll admit it was a rookie mistake to leave that coffee in the tray on my bed. How naive of me to assume that a rambunctious little boy wouldn't dive bomb my bed while I was showering.

So. After today's shower I gathered up all of the childrens and we had a talk. I reminded them that being a mom is a tough job. They agreed. I told them that on some days the shower I take is the only time I have alone, and explained that I need that time to relax, process the days events, and just be as alone as I can be for the moment. They seemed to understand.

We also revisited the "If it is a closed door, you knock and wait for permission to enter" conversation. Since my youngest just got a full on nude shot of mom frantically stripping the bed, and I had the realization that all of them had barged in on my nudity recently I felt that the reminder must be needed. Again!

I told them that from now on no one is to interrupt mom when she is showering unless it is about a phone call, someone at the door, or someone is hurt...and we aren't talking about scratches and minor bumbs that can wait 10 minutes. They all agreed that this was a reasonable request.

Sometimes you just have to stop and take a look at the things that are no longer working in your life. 4 years ago this was a non issue. It was what worked for our family. Today it is no longer working. I'm glad that we were able to discuss it and hopefully mom can have some peaceful showers in the near future that don't involve video game passwords, and tattling. Ha!

It's funny how we let ourselves come undone about these things, as mothers, and don't immediately recognize that it doesn't have to be this way.

So...my advice to new parents is to remember that it's okay to change the rules in this game. You have to do what works for your family and if mamma's not happy, ain't nobody happy!