Making Tough Choices

In life we all have to make tough choices. I also believe we have to make wrong choices. It's how we learn. My oldest child is in high school and is participating in XC and Marching band this year. It's a beast of a schedule. The two activities have overlapping schedules nearly weekly. There are days where my son will leave home for school at 6:30am and I do not see him again until 9:00pm. It's too much. At least it is for dear old mom!

This weekend is the first of a series of Saturdays where the XC team has a meet on the same day and usually within an hour of a Marching band performance. Since we obviously cannot be in two places at the same time we have to choose which event to participate in. He has to choose.

I would like to see him run XC events over marching band. This is a painful realization for me. I hate admitting that. Music is my whole life. It moves me. It inspires me. It's how I learned how to love, and how to hate. How to succeed and how to fail. Marching band holds some of the very best memories I have of high school. I could not imagine having not had music in my life back then. I never thought I would want to choose anything over music. Ever.

With that said...this is about my son. HE is a runner. HE is an excellent runner. He may not be showing his full potential right now, but I have seen him at near best and he is a beast. He has always been a varsity runner. He may not be #1 but he does give him a run for his title!

Music, on the other hand, is not his best skill set. He has never been 1st chair. He is dead last most of the time. He doesn't practice. I've never really felt like his whole heart is really in it.

A good runner could be eligible for scholarships down the road. A fair musician is not likely to see much in the way of scholarship money. Life isn't all about money but I do have 4 children to see off to college and every little bit helps...especially when it is a reward for a skill your excel at!

With that said...music gives him joy. The very same joy that it gives me. While he may not be able to make the best music...it brings him joy. Now...how can a mother take even a sliver of bliss away from her child? I don't know. Not this mom. I cannot do it. I'm in the midst of my own mid-life...life is too short to not live your bliss-kind of moment right now. No way do I want to do that to my kid!

Still, a choice has to be made. For this year it has to be some meets are missed and some marching opportunities are missed. Next year it needs to be XC or Marching. I'm one mom with four kids and our lives cannot be centered around his schedule. Everyone deserves time to branch out and do their own thing.

I hate that I looked him in the eyes and told him that he was better at running than music and that he could still be in the band next year and just not march so that he could still run. I hate that I busted his bubble.

I hate that he has decided to run this weekend instead of march in the parade because I know his heart was set on marching.

No one ever said being a parent was easy. I sure hope tomorrow is at the very least a little easier! This mom sure doesn't like frowny faces.