Goodbye panties

I don't know what it is about mothers. We are always willing to sacrifice for the family. We put off treating ourselves to the little things for the sake of groceries, fuel, basketball sign-up fees, doctor bills, and really anything else you can imagine. You had better believe my toddler would just as soon get a package of socks that he almost needs before I would spend that money on myself to replace my worn out panties.

For those few mothers out there whom have magically escaped this curse...consider yourselves lucky! I don't have more than 2-3 friends that splurge on themselves, let alone take care of their most basic needs. Okay...maybe panties are not really a need, but as long as we live in the United States they are an unspoken agreement.

I have panties in my dresser that are older than some of my children. It's disturbing, I know...and possibly TMI, but it's hard to prioritize $10 for a pair of panties when that money could be spent on something...more visible?!?

A therapist once told me that I do not feel that I am worthy of anything. She said that because of the childhood I had I felt I didn't deserve good grades, nice things, and most importantly, Love. I do not love myself enough and apparently this stems from my childhood. Amazing how that childhood creeps back into my life every few years. It's why I try really hard to do right by my own children. I don't know if the therapist is right or not...surely not all of my mom friends had a rough childhood too, but who knows. She may have been onto something. I have been a teeny bit happier since I've allowed myself to splurge on me, even if it is still a rare occurrence.

Last week I received 2 coupons from a local retailer. One was good up until last Sunday and the 2nd coupon was good starting yesterday. The coupons were for $15 off a $15 purchase. I decided I would buy myself a few pairs of new panties. I'd put it off long enough. None of mine fit right, and the ones that I like the best are so worn out!

The regular price of the style I wanted to try was $14.50/pair. Are you friggin kidding me? The store had a sale on 5 pair for $29. With my coupon I was able to get 5 pair for $14. That's is less than the price of one pair. I was very excited! It doesn't take much. I purchased 5 pair and decided to wear them for a week, and wash them because I am NOTORIOUS for shirking any and all fabrics, and if I liked them I decided to buy more this week with my 2nd coupon.

I ended up really loving the fit. No more rolling down the stomach. No more wedgie. No more underwear that comes up to my rib cage. Finally some right sized, cute, and comfy panties! Are you sick of the word panties yet? So am I.

So...I am now the proud owner of 10 new pairs of underwear. I've not owned 10 new pair at one time since I was a child wearing underoos! I couldn't be more proud of myself.

For the few male readers who made it this far...seriously. Hand your wife $20 and tell her to go buy her something that she needs and refuses to spend money on herself. Don't buy her panties. Give her the cash. You men never buy the right panties. I'll let you in on a secret. No real woman wears lace underwear with frills, and lace under her work pants. Those are what I call floor decor. You wear them for a few minutes until they are removed and tossed onto the floor. No mom NEEDS those kind of panties. I'm just being honest here.

I've made the decision. I am going to throw away all of my old underwear right now. I'm going to do it so I do not postpone buying more next time simply because I have old ones that will suffice.

Goodbye panties.

Hello new, cute panties!

Where am I?

Since I posted a fluff blog today about an awesome give-a-way from my friend Heather over at inexpensively.com I felt like I owed you a real post. I have been M.I.A. for a while now. It's my M.O. when things get rough, really.

I was reading a blog on Eternal Lizdom posted by a guest blogger, Ashli, and one phrase really jumped out at me.

"When I don't work out...well, let's just say it is not pretty. Nothing is on time, I am short fused and I really feel like it would be best if I crawled into a hole so I wouldn't be so irritated with everyone and everything around me."


Story of my life, sister! When I don't work out, read, take time for me, do at least one thing that helps to reboot my spirit...I'm a grouch, and I retreat! This is why I haven't posted any blogs lately. I fear that the days on end of rants and whines would run off the few friends I have in the blog world.

So...here it is. Where am I? I'm somewhere between completely fed up with life, over the self loathing and anger, and just waiting on the universe to give me a swift kick so I can move forward. I've been asking for the acorn to come falling from the sky so it can conk me on my head and knock some sense into me. I guess I may need to shake the tree a bit to get that acorn to fall.

I'm still here, and reading your blogs when I can get myself to sit upright. I'm working on it. I'm just deep enough to be completely exaughsted all the live long day and all I want to do is sleep, and sleep. My appetite is gone, and desire to keep up on the house is non-existant.

I've been down here before, and I know I'll kick my way to the surface eventually. In the meantime I will try to post more often because I know that it helps for me to get this stuff out there.

Love & Hugs...lots of both,
Lety

The Coupon Clutch!

I found a blog post today for the Coupon clutch. Have you seen this? It is an adorable binder system to organize your coupons in a binder that sit's inside a fashionable tote.

I simply must have one!

Heather, over at inexpensively, has a coupon code to purchase this sytem, and is also offering a give-a-way for a coupon clutch as well. Better hurry and get over there before it ends!

I cannot decide which one I like best. I LOVE them all!

Simplify your coupons!

I found a blog post today for the Coupon clutch. Have you seen this? It is an adorable binder system to organize your coupons in a binder that sit's inside a fashionable tote.

I simply must have one!

Heather, over at inexpensively, has a coupon code to purchase this sytem, and is also offering a give-a-way for a coupon clutch as well. Better hurry and get over there before it ends!

I cannot decide which one I like best. I LOVE them all!

Goals & Gripes

*WARNING*

This blog post will more likely resemble the incessant ramblings of a mad woman. I'm mad. No...I'm not mad. I'm mad as hell! In the following paragraphs you will be subjected to a foul sailor mouth, whining. and possibly a little negativity. If you can't be down with the sickness you might want to skip tonight's post.

 I would like to move on from this stage in life...like right NOW. I am so over being stuck where I am. I've no one to blame. I choose to sit here, stale, in the very same place I've been for longer than I can remember on bad days.

I'm not happy, and it's been that way for so long. I don't know what my deal is. Could it really be fear holding me back? I don't think so...I mean, by biggest fear is waking up in 5 years and realizing I feel the same way I did back in 2010.

As I sat at my desk I was pondering the idea of running. It's another one of those goals I have that I never seem to care enough about to actually act on it. I think I want to run. I think I want to be fit, and active. I think I want to not only keep up with my 4 kids, but surpass them, on occasion. I enjoy running. It gives my mind time to roam. It gives me peace. It's a great thing to do to blow off some steam...something else I seem to have a lot of these days.

So, as I sit here watching Oprah discuss her 10 year anniversary issue of O Magazine I think to myself "I should pick up a copy. I never do that for myself. I've never even read O magazine." I decide to throw on the ONE running outfit I purchased myself back in 2007 when I decided I was going to be a runner. It's still brand new. Worn one time for a half a mile run. What a joke.

I get all suited up. Moisture wicking running clothes. Check. Sport bra. Check. Running shoes. Check. iPod. Check. I'm ready to run. I've decided I will run 1.6 miles to the store, get myself that magazine, and run 1.6 miles back home. I can do this. Right. Suddenly I realize that this episode I am watching is from the DVR...and from who knows what year. I start to get angry and as I check the listing...it is an episode from February. Yep. Magazine is no doubt no longer in stores by now.

I get mad. I feel that instinct that has become as natural as sleep to me. I quit. I sit and figure there is now no reason to run to the store. I jump up angrily and tell myself NO. This is what you hate about what your life has become. You're giving up on your dream. It may be a small dream. It may be a dream you will grow to hate. You're the one who wanted to do this. Go run!

I decide to hop on the treadmill. I hate that damn treadmill. Every single time I run on it I feel sick...which has been exactly 3.5 times in 3 years. Did I mention I have a fear of running in public? Yes. I fear judgement of my big fat thighs rubbing together as my shorts wad up in a reverse wedgie with all of my neighbors watching.

I should mention that I didn't even wear shorts from 1999-2004. Nope. Didn't even own them. Fat thighs.

Anyway, I start running on the dreaded treadmill. I am trying to slow it down from 6mph to 3mph so I can walk for 90 seconds. (baby steps) and the damn thing wont slow down. I jumped on the side rails...not a good idea...and I damn near fell down.

I was pissed. I stormed down to the lake, sat on the dock and stewed for a minute until I noticed my neighbors were on their dock and staring at me. I then decided that I needed to run. Like Forest Gump I hoped up and darted up the hill, through the house, out onto the street and just started running. Of course every neighbor I know was out front or driving down the street to witness my ass running like a child who just learned to run...stumbling over my large, dangly, and uncoordinated feet.

I ran forever, give or take a mile. Truthfully I ran for about 1 mile and walked about a half a mile between running. I spent the next hour feeling like I may die at any moment. No doubt because my lung capacity is that of a 90 year old woman with emphysema.

So...now that I have been to mad as hell and back I am here to proclaim my 7 life goals. May I love myself enough every.single.day to make these a priority. I need to do this. For me. Right now. 

T here is a lot of crap in my life that I feel I cannot do anything about right now. There are 7 things I can absolutely work on right here, right now, and right where I am.

1. Put in ONE HOUR of physical activity every day. Run. Go to the gym. Something!

2. Eat healthy. Make a conscious effort with every snack and meal to choose what is healthy. There's a time for splurging. Celebrations. Special occasions. Monthly Moms Night Out. I need to love myself enough to refuse to eat unhealthy just because I worked hard that day, or because I'm stressed, or I'm tired.

3. Quit smoking. For the love of the world why is this so fucking hard? I mean....seriously?!? I started when I was 14 years old. I'd really like to kick both my parents asses for that. I can forgive them for the mental and physical abuse, but I cannot forgive them for allowing me to smoke and not trying to stop it.

But, I am an adult now. I told myself that my mom quit when she was 50, and I could totally show her up and quit by the time I was 35. Well...I'm 35, and have just over 7 months left before I am 36. It's time to make that happen. I'm sick of the excuses. I can't run like this with the lung capacity I have. I have to quit. I have to find a way to do this. I HAVE TO!!! I HATE IT!!!

4. Stop buying my children things. Before I go further I would like to explain that my children are far from spoiled. My daughter maybe slightly spoiled because she is a girl, but the kids typically do not get much in the way of toys, games, or extravagant stuff. I buy my daughter more clothes than the girl could ever need. My boys have enough t-shirts to clothe an army. The shoes...omg the shoes are freakin' ridiculous!!! I blame no one but myself for that. I went without as a child and I over compensate by buying them more than any child could ever need. I'm very frugal about it, but still...it's too much clutter for me and for them. I have to stop that.

5. Kick the clutter once and for all. I've been 'decluttering' my home, and life, since November of 2008. I'm still not done! Every time I finish a room I will notice something every week that I should have let go of. I keep telling myself that it's a process and doing it by myself means that it will take longer than the people on TV take.

I'm pretty convinced I'm a special kind of hoarder. I know I hoard, and for all the reasons that hoarders have for hoarding. What makes me special is the fact that I catch myself just before the hidden storage starts to bust. That doesn't mean I'm better than the average hoarder. It just means I have just enough of a handle on it to keep myself donating and selling stuff just about as fast as it comes in. It also means you wont find any cockroaches, bug, or fungus among us in the house. I'm just enough OC to never let that happen.

6. Become more centered. Daily meditation would be more favorable to the unpredictable schedule that I have now, but I'd be happy to just be more frequently clearing my mind! A regular and consistent morning Yoga workout would be nice too.

7. Clear the calendar. I need to stop filling my days up and start saving time for me time. I need to learn how to sit, be still, and truly enjoy the company I keep in the empty moments.

I leave with that, my friends. I have much more to say about life, but that part of my life I am just not ready to share on here just yet.

Love yas!

I'm childish

That's right. I'm childish. I'm 35 going on 15. I cannot help it. It's as if parts of me froze in time.

Some of my friends say I dress too young, I act too young, and on occasion I apparently speak/text too young. I can promise you I am a grown up. I am professional, when I need to be. I am responsible damn it!

Of course none of my friends would deny any of that. They know I am good people. They also know that I tend to suffer from the inability to see clearly when my behavior is annoying to others. I appreciate honest and constructive criticism because...I'm just to immature to "get it" sometimes. Just be gentle. I do wear my heart on my sleeve, you know.

I like to play! I love to laugh! I enjoy dreaming! I hope to never ever lose that quality!

I'm silly, and crazy, and fun. This is how you know that I am truly comfortable with you. When you see me let down...you know that I trust you. If I act this way around you it's because I get a sense of comfort from our relationship, and I trust you to not hurt me.

This doesn't always work out the best for me, but the pain from that hurting is not for nothing. I learn something new about myself and the world from every uncomfortable situation.

Now...who would like to see some photos of the real Lety?

I LOVE pixie stix. Know what I LOVE even more?

Spelling it wrong so it sounds like a fairy woodland creature.

I LOVE gigantic pixie sticks more than my luggage.

I LOVED when my friend Michelle ganked her kids pixie stix for me from his Halloween loot!

I LOVE how my naughty hair is ever changing!

I LOVE when I stick my foot in my mouth because often times I've slipped up on something I've been keeping inside far too long. Open mouth, insert foot and away with the guilt of secrets!

I LOVE when someone makes me mad enough to want to hit them, and then they make me smile and the anger melts away.

I LOVE animals. Especially tiny ones that I can hold in my hand...until they poop or pee on me.

I LOVE Cherry Limeade...and this shirt...and how I Fb these photos to tease my friends.

Na na na na boo boo...I have a cherry limeade and you don't. ;)

I LOVE Sharpie markers...and this shirt...again...I really, really do!

I also love funky bracelets that make me feel all rocker chick.

Okay, now I am just being silly. So much so that I forget what this blog was all about. Oh well...it's hump day, and I'm stuck at home with a sick little man. A girls gotta entertain herself, right?