I cannot imagine what Amanda is going through right now. My thoughts and prayers to her entire family. My heart goes out to Indy Moms. Hundreds of them are hurting with and for Amanda tonight. Many of them holding their babies a little bit tighter. Taking extra hugs and kisses goodnight.
As I watched my 5 y/o skip off to bed after I forced some extra hugs and kisses on him I couldn't help but feel guilty. Amanda will not get that opportunity with Elias again. Elias will not get to receive anymore hugs and kisses, "sugars" as we call them in our home, from his mamma. The very thought of that makes me cry.
I'm just such a fixer. It's in my nature to swoop in and help others. There's no amount of help that will ever fix this. Nothing that I can say or do will make this go away.
Ever since I nearly lost my Aiden 5 years ago it has been one of my biggest fears to find my child had died in his sleep. There were so many concerns about Aiden's breathing after the accident that I instantly became a master at waking from a deep sleep when his breathing patterns changed. I never thought I would be able to pack away the baby monitors ever again. I still check on the kids frequently when one is coughing or raspy in their sleep. After today's events I am sure it will be along time before I sleep sweet again.
It is totally cliche to say it but Life really is too short. I've wasted a lot of life lately with the distraction of the Internets. The loss of Elias has really resounded in my heart...it's time to make some changes in my life.
Thoughts and prayers to Amanda, her husband, children, and the rest of their family.
